Random Thoughts

So here we wait…

Wait until we cripple to dust                                                                                                                         Wait until our dreams combust                                                                                                                    Wait for a future we can’t predict…

What is the point of all this?

Why do i consume all the air in my lungs                                                                                                   Just to hold my tongue                                                                                                                               Surely these marks on my wrist make more sense than this

I’m tired of these emotions pumping like a pulse                                                                               Spilling feelings on my skin the colour of blood


Tired of existing, never truly living                                                                                                             Holding my heart in my hand hoping any stranger would take a chance

Loving                                                                                                                                                                 Loving the wrong people at the wrong time

Sometime’s the wrong voice shouts louder than mine

Yet here i lay and float…

and float…

                                                                              And Sink….


The Vixen

There was once a time when she believed she could do anything. There was once a time when her heart was still whole. Now all she does is watch her thoughts devour her. They eat away at her soul, whisper that she is all alone. They forced her to change…               Made her believe that she was not cut out for live. So she emptied her heart, cut away her wool, the little lamb which once was, existed no more. All that remained was her empty shell filled with the heart of a Vixen. Now she embraces the dark and walks alongside wolves. She became, something to fear, a heart that could not be tamed. She leads you in, she licks your wounds, only to chuck you away when she finds someone new.

So beware, have fun, you won’t know what’s in store for you until our vixen is done.

How can you love me?

She asks one too many times a day.

How can a single human be so utterly perfect?

I’d ask myself over and over.

Yet how can he not see I’ll be his downfall?

Does he not fear the black liquid of my soul seeping

trough the cracks of my crumbling beauty.

Do you not see the truth?

You’ll break one day, no one can tame the fury…

of my wild heart.

None the less thank you for trying to love me…

Pawn in the game of life…

What is the relevance of us as humans, when all we are, is broken chess pieces which life chooses to play one too many times. Drunk on the idea that love could fix us when in reality it only breaks you more. I for one am tired of feeling broken and rejected. I am a pawn. I have no king, no plays, none to serve thus I am nothing. Could i have not been more wrong. I may be weak but I have one advantage over the strong I have something to prove. I will over come this darkness and i shan’t ever stop fighting. Neither should you…

I’m sorry I have not been writing a lot lately. Life has given me one too many knocks if I’m being honest and I’ve been struggling to deal with everything. I actually believe the salty liquid which flow from my eyes have started to stain my face. Silly i know, but I’m better now. I’m learning how to play the game and soon everything will be as they use to. With this dark hole i sat in I lost my will to write and pretty much do anything…Tonight is different! I feel good again. Just know you are stronger than you think and braver than you let on to be and you’ll make it trough it, I promise.


Absence was her name, the girl I love. Separated by time and space, our love scattered over the miles we were apart.
Did I need her? Yes…
Was she there? No…
Fingers intertwined, kisses in the movies between blue skies and vintage buildings. We live under the same night sky, we stare up at the same stars, but these roads painted black with our memories make sure we grow more distant every time we part.
251.46892 miles
404.7 km
442585.3 yards
Yet it feels like your scent on my jacket will never fade away.
Absence I’m tired of reading between the lines…I’m tired of waiting, longing, missing. I’m tired of our fights which never amount to anything. I’m tired of memorising your face. I’m tired of trying to keep you happy which never seems to be the case.

I’m tired…
Your absence it saddens…
The sadness devours me…
Babe I’m losing my sanity…

Come Home

Absence my love do you love me as much as I love you?

Hush now star, for one day you will be a constellation

John green said: “my thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” Thoughts are arrangements of ideas as a result of the act of thinking just as stars are arranged into constellations.
You star, yes you the one whom consists out of seventy percent water. Why do you ponder over your astrology? You raise your eyes to the future always seeking your destiny in the stars. Do you not know all our emotions are different? Do you not see that your future is in your hands? Hold your tongue child and breathe. For you are a dreamer and one day your thoughts and emotions will make you a constellation.
Star, why do cherish your astronomy so much? Is it after all not only your anatomy? All stars consist out of a head, ears, face, eyes, cheeks, nose and much more. Your anatomy does not make you unique or loveable. Star, stop idolising your astronomy and start loving your personality, your soul and all your values. One day astronomy will fade and all that will remain is you.
Star, why do you cleave to your mythology? Is it not only rumours made to build or break the gods? You and only you should be the one telling about your marvellous adventures. Do not let the rumours define you for you are a star and all stars deserve to twinkle.
Hush now star, for you will one day be a constellation. After all the darkest skies produce the brightest of stars. Galileo said: “I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”

It’s a kind of magic…

{For J}

So New Year is in a day and a half. Where you get to stare up at all the fireworks and have that kiss you have always dreamed about. When you make wishes and hope they come true. It’s a kind of magic. I talked to my crush and I told him that I see fireworks as man’s way of creating lightning he smiled and replied with almost. Then he sat there in thought and told me: “I think of it as man’s way of trying to invent magic.” I sat there flabbergasted at how such a small thought could make me think so much. Well if you think about it, everything about New Year’s Eve and New Year have a sense of magic to it. From the wishes you make to the fireworks to that kiss which makes you believe in magic. Where In actuality we experience magic every single day of our lives… thought is the magic of the mind. You create magic everywhere you go. I believe love is the biggest magic of all. It makes you believe in a happily ever after and that every day is the perfect day. in short love makes you believe in fairy tales. You might think but I’m too old for fairy tales and I’ve never experienced magic in my life. Well let me tell you this, no one is too old for a fairy tale and as Roald Dahl said: “Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” So for this New Year I’d like you to believe in magic again… it’s inside of you, you just have to believe. Whereas for me magic is part of my daily routine. Especially when I’m with you…so here is to a new year filled with hopes and dreams may all of it come true and may 2016 be your year! So with my ending words I leave this for you… I really wish I get that New Year’s kiss. Thank you for being my inspiration. You know whom you are.

The Boy I Used To Love

{i wrote this for some guy whom said it was not personal enough for him.}


So unexpectedly you showed up in my life, too perfect to be true

From that first day i knew that i loved you

You taught me so many new things

Thinking about it makes old memories sing

but time changes people

Our hearts that once fit grew out of beat

We use to be so perfect , now all we taste is defeat

So it’s time to move on, to let go of the past

Maybe in the future our paths will once cross

But for now this is my last goodbye

To the boy i used love.










where’s my epiphany?

I’m afraid I am stuck in a rut. It seems that all the days are getting so repetitive. Waking up, feeling the urge to do well nothing. Walking the same road, having the same conversations. I had the biggest epiphany once, I realised that I wanted to be an author, someone whom inspires people but now I have come to the realisation that I have lost my epiphany or well I am losing it. Question is if I have lost it how do I get it back? There are so many people my age out there in the world who have done so many miraculous things with their lives while I’m just sitting here and my biggest problem is whether I want Pepsi or cola…every day is one long feeling of dejafu. People say everyone’s life is set up for greatness which with hard work and effort is achievable but what is my greatness? Because at the moment it feels like my life is bleak and it will amount to only more bleakness. All I want to do is make a difference, make my mark on this world, find my true voice and change lives. Do all people feel like this? Or am I making a hyperbole of a really tiny feeling? Well that’s my story for today. Goal for the next few days/weeks/months/years reclaim an epiphany!

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